Late Thoughts

I just realized I started this blog about a year ago. Why, you ask? Mostly because I like to write and I needed something to help me cope with my rampant insomnia. I also kind of liked this guy who had a witty, quirky, artsy blog and I guess that in some way his blog encouraged me start writing again. I don't know if he reads my blog now or if he ever read it for that matter. But if you're out there somewhere B, thank you for sending a little inspiration my way. It just may have been fate. 

Recently I've been wondering if this blog has become irrelevant. Between facebook, twitter, IM, texting, e-mail and the fact that I am a pretty social person, people generally know what's going on in my life. Do I really need another forum to tell the whole world every little thought that goes through my mind? No, I don't. Luckily for you, dear readers, I do not blog about my every waking thought because that would scare most of you. 

Looking back on the past year, I feel like I've grown. I hope I've grown. I have certainly had the challenges, disappointments and inevitable regret to provide sufficient emotional growth. Do I still find myself making bad choices, even when I know it's not the best thing for me? Yes. Do I still turn to self-destructive behavior to escape overwhelming feelings or to not feel anything? Yes. Is the perfectionist in me still rearing her ugly head? Yes. Do I still make decisions with my heart instead of my head? Absolutely. Here's the point: Yeah, I still do stupid shit and will probably do so until the day I die. But I find myself doing stupid shit less often and I suppose that's a small sign of progression. 

It's no secret I'm in my head a lot; I'm very insightful and in tune with my emotions. I generally like that about myself, but in some ways it's not healthy for me. I tend to isolate myself when I get in certain moods. I feel like I'm a slave to my feelings and I hate that I am unable to control that part of my life. Today I was listening to Bob Marley and I heard this line in Redemption Song: 

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.

I've heard this song 900 times, but I never really got it until today. Suddenly it dawned on me: I need to work on me. This brings me back full circle, back to the relevance of this blog. I enjoy writing. I'm fairly good at it, I like entertaining people and it helps me express myself. Writing allows me to free my thoughts, but there is still work to be done. I will continue writing this blog because it is significant to me and it gives me some sense of control on my path to mental freedom. So I hope you enjoy the ride, it looks like my maelstrom will remain in print for the time being.